


Disguises

by junailens



Category: BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, Minor Injuries, Mutual Pining, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-24
Updated: 2017-12-24
Packaged: 2019-02-19 23:02:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,979
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13134042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/junailens/pseuds/junailens
Summary: When Kaoru and Misaki talk for the first time, it gets deep.





	Disguises

**Author's Note:**

> For my BanG Dream! secret santa, Caitlin!! I hope you enjoy :D This was a lot of fun to write, Kaoru is the best I love her so much!
> 
> (The "unrequieted love" tag is mentions of unrequited kaoru/chisato. the kaoru/misaki in this fic is 100% mutual thank goodness)

Kaoru looked out the window as they neared the entrance of the ski resort. The drive hadn’t been long, but she was excited to get out of the cramped car and get on her skis. She went skiing every winter, but she hadn't been so far this year. When Kokoro had brought up the idea of doing a winter-themed photoshoot at the ski resort, Kaoru enthusiastically agreed.

 Kanon, who was driving, was chatting with Kokoro in the front seat. Hagumi was asleep, and Misaki had driven separately.

“Kaoru-san, can you please wake Hagumi up? We’re almost there,” Kanon said.

 “Of course,” Kaoru nodded. Kaoru had been pretty quiet throughout the car ride, considering how Kokoro and Kanon kept up a pretty good conversation themselves, and Hagumi had been snoozing the whole time. It wasn’t only by coincidence, though. Lately, Kaoru had been wavering. Her theatrical, princely persona, while fun, had become immensely draining. At this point, it’s not like she could stop doing it; she felt stuck, trapped in a cage of her own design.

 And so it was with no lack of dread that she nodded at Kanon, taking a breath before putting on a smile that felt so fake. She softly touched Hagumi’s arm, cooing “Wake up, little kitten. We need your energy for the photoshoot today.”

 Hagumi slowly stirred, before opening her eyes. Suddenly, she was wide awake. “We’re almost there! I’m so excited!” She grinned, pushing her face against the cold window. Kokoro struck up a conversation with her, and Kaoru retreated again to silence, her smile fading slightly. She crossed her arms again, looking out the window. She couldn’t wait for the shoot to be over so she could just ski. 

* * *

 Misaki sat in her car, the heat on full blast, waiting in the parking lot for the rest of her friends to arrive. She had driven separately, “with Michelle,” as she always did. Of course, Michelle was folded up, lying in her backseat, where she was going to stay until the absolute last minute. Misaki was about to change the radio station when her phone buzzed with a text from Kokoro.

  _Be there in 5!! Are you guys there yet? OvO_

 Misaki replied with a curt _yes_  and groaned internally. It wasn’t even wearing the costume that bothered her, although she had a feeling trying to ski while wearing the Michelle suit would get old a bit too fast. It was the fact that her bandmates didn’t know that it was her in the costume. It was such a pointless facade.

 Misaki sighed, and took her keys out of the ignition. In the sudden silence of the lack of her car’s rumbling, she gathered the strength she would need to make it through today.

_30 Minutes Later_

 It has been a very short lesson - the instructor did little more than help them put their skis on and show the basic way to steer. He had asked Misaki a few times if she would really be okay skiing in the costume, but she just waved him off.

 Kaoru bit her lip, wondering if she should have put up more of a protest when her bandmates had insisted that all of their members be there, including Misaki in the costume. At that meeting, Kaoru had watched her carefully, and it wasn’t hard to detect the feeling Misaki was giving off. Kaoru had seen her eyes fill with dread, almost even disgust, but Kaoru knew that she would rather grit her teeth and bare it then raise a fuss against the others. Kaoru regretted not standing up for her, but at the time, it had been easier for her as well to not go against them, lest she expose that she knew Misaki was Michelle.

 By now, though, it was too late, and they were riding up the ski lifts, going to practice skiing down a few times before they actually took any pictures. Kaoru, Kokoro, and Hagumi were practiced skiers, so they didn’t really need the practice, but Kanon, and Misaki especially, were definitely not going to be graceful anytime soon. Kaoru rode up the lift with Kokoro, she excitedly chatted about what kinds of poses they should try out. Kaoru nodded and made non-committal noises, but her thoughts were elsewhere. She was watching Misaki sit on the lift in front of them, by herself. She was slowly swinging her legs alternatively, and Kaoru couldn’t stop herself from finding it way too endearing. She thought about how much Misaki hated the cold. Suddenly, her mind pushed forward the image of her hugging Misaki and wrapping a blanket around both of their shoulders. Kaoru flinched, shaking it from her mind.

 She had been having these thought about Misaki for a few weeks. She wasn’t really surprised, she figured Misaki was her “type,” or perhaps it was just coincidence that the two people she had ever had real feelings for were both the cool, quiet type. Kaoru thought of _her_ , and fought to refuse her name entry to her thoughts, else she might tear up. Maybe it was good that Kaoru was having feelings for another girl. Maybe she was getting over her first crush. The idea came with an even mixture of relief and dread. She didn’t want to be over Chisato, her first love, the girl who single-handedly shaped Kaoru into the person she is today. A futile, pathetic attempt to get the attention of a girl who had long since rejected her feelings.

 Kaoru was brought back to the present as she watched Misaki’s carriage begin to turn and she slid off successfully, making her way to the top of the small hill. Tuning back into what Kokoro was saying, Kaoru nodded once again.

 “I hope Michelle will be okay. I’m kind of nervous,” Kokoro watched Misaki with wide eyes, not breaking a sweat as she professionally hopped down from their own carriage in a fluid motion, Kaoru following after her.

 “Worry not, Kokoro. If Michelle stumbles, all of us will be there to help her back up again,” Kaoru projected. _Plus, this is only bunny hill. If she falls, the worst that will happen is she’ll slowly roll down the last twenty feet_ , Kaoru added in her mind. She hoped her costume was waterproof.

 Misaki got down the first hill with no problems. After her, Kokoro and Kaoru went down together, practicing holding hands and doing a simple pose, but they didn’t have time to do much more before they slowed to a stop. They both had a lot of practice skiing anyway. They turned around to see Hagumi, who had opted for a snowboard, ditching Kanon and racing down, skidding to a stop and throwing snow everywhere. They continued to practice, the more seasoned members helping out the newer ones, giving them pointers and going slowly. Everything was going well until they got onto the first medium difficulty hill.

 It was fairly steep, and Misaki was being difficult, refusing Kaoru’s offers to help her, trying to ski away. Kaoru was trying to ski slowly, but it had been awhile since she went on this hill, and as she tried to get closer to Misaki to tell her something, she stumbled and felt herself fall. Misaki tripped over her skis, and although they fought to keep on the path, they couldn’t keep up with the sharp turn. They hit the guardrail, and Kaoru didn’t have time to think before they crashed right through the old fence that wasn’t built for two people falling so fast and heavily, and they fell through, tumbling down the steep forest terrain.

 They fell for a long time before they finally came to a stop. Kaoru looked up and couldn’t see the ski trail anymore. She let her head fall on the snow, her whole body aching and definitely bruised, but luckily nothing broken. From her cries, it sounded like Misaki hadn’t been so lucky.

 Kaoru pushed herself up to a sitting position despite her arms’ protests, and quickly crawled over to Misaki, helping her take her costume head off. Misaki was biting her lip and seemed to be holding back tears, and seeing her in so much pain made Kaoru want to cry herself.

 “Where are you hurt?” Kaoru asked urgently, taking the Michelle head and putting it aside.

 “Shoulder,” Misaki winced. “Think it’s dislocated. Do you know how-” she managed, furrowing her eyebrows in pain. Kaoru had no idea, she felt herself starting to panic. _Oh my god, she’s in so much pain and it’s my fault, this is terrible, this is…!_

 “Just... pull on my arm,” Misaki instructed, involuntarily crying out as she adjusted her arm to the right position. Kaoru hesitated, watching her with horror. “Now!” Misaki demanded.

 Kaoru pushed through her panic and did as Misaki told, looking away from her face as it contorted with pain as Kaoru pulled on her arm. In a few seconds, it slid back into place with a pop, and Kaoru heard Misaki release a ragged breath in relief.

 “Thank god, I was worried it wouldn’t work with the costume on,” she said through short breaths, slowly bringing her arm in and cradling it to her body. Misaki moved to lean against a tree, and Kaoru watched her, frozen.

 Misaki looked up at her. “Sorry to ruin the fun, but I’m actually Michelle,” she said with a short, humorless laugh. Kaoru felt her anxiety starting to fade as she saw that Misaki was better, and seemed to be in much less pain. Kaoru fell back on her hind legs, letting out a breath in relief. She leaned against another tree and fought to find her words again.

 “It was the least of my concerns. After all,” she closed her eyes and brought her hand to her heart, “to have inadvertently brought harm to such a fair maiden, I thought-”

 “Hey, shut the hell up, will you?” Misaki interrupted her. Kaoru fell silent, opening her eyes. Misaki looked surprisingly angry. “You can drop the Shakespeare act, it’s so fake. Hey,” Misaki’s eyes lit up and she gave an empty smile. “It’s just like the Michelle costume, pointless and stupid.”

Kaoru had nothing to respond with. Misaki was right, after all... She put her hand down, staring at her lap. They were both silent for awhile before Kaoru felt like she had to break the silence. “I actually knew it was you in the costume. I’m sorry, I just thought it would be fun to go along with the others. I see how it might be upsetting to you…”

Kaoru didn’t look up, but she could hear the frown in Misaki’s voice as she spoke. “Well, I hope you all had fun, because thanks to the stupid costume we’re probably going to die out here,” she huffed.

 “Don’t say that!” Kaoru snapped up, glaring at Misaki. “How could you say that? We’re not going to die, we can’t die before…” Images of cold purple eyes and blonde hair forever out of reach flashed before Kaoru’s eyes, and she trailed off, not sure how to express that sentiment without seriously oversharing to Misaki.

 Had Kaoru been looking up instead of fighting to keep her eyes from watering, she would have seen a look of concern and surprise on Misaki’s face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to strike a nerve. I’m just in a bad mood recently,” Misaki said, crossing her arms. Kaoru brought her legs up to her chest; Misaki recognized the defensive body language. She wondered what Kaoru was thinking of. Neither of them ever really talked much about themselves. Misaki was curious.

 “Hey, Kaoru. Seriously, I’m sorry,” Misaki repeated, Kaoru didn’t look up, but she nodded slightly to show that she was listening. She was thinking about Chisato, but she was also thinking about Misaki, the girl in front of her, who was putting effort into a conversation. Kaoru pushed all of her feelings down before she could get excited about it. Of all people, there’s no way Misaki would want anything to do with her, especially after what just happened.

 “I just…” Misaki began slowly. “Do you ever get tired of acting? Don’t you want people to recognize who you really are, instead of just what they see you as, or what they want you to be?”

 Kaoru looked up, and they made eye contact. “I guess you would know about that too, Misaki.” Kaoru smiled while feeling no happiness. “Is it ever fun for you? It’s fun for me sometimes, but lately I’ve just been wishing I could be more normal.”

 “But you’ve already committed to this act, right?” Misaki finished the thought, and Kaoru agreed. Misaki sighed, leaning her head back and closing her eyes. “For what it’s worth, don’t bother with it around me. I honestly couldn’t care less. I mean…” Misaki trailed off, and Kaoru watched her curiously. “I kinda feel like we aren’t very close, and I’d like to be better friends, if you want.” Misaki didn’t open her eyes or change her posture at all, but from the way she hesitated, Kaoru could tell it was hard for her to say something so personal. It gave Kaoru a warm feeling despite the snow around them, that Misaki didn’t want to just shrug her off.

 “While we’re admitting stuff, I guess… thank you. I’m at the point where I honestly don’t think anyone would like me if I didn’t act all romantic like I do,” Kaoru said softly, her eyes pointing towards the ground but her gaze far away. _Chisato was my only friend before high school, and she’ll hate me no matter what I do, and all my other friends only know the fake side of me,_ Kaoru finished in her head, far from being able to say that out loud.

 “I mean, if you didn’t act like that, Kanon might have about 4 less heart attacks per week, so I think she’d be pretty grateful,” Misaki joked, and forced a short giggle from Kaoru.

 “But seriously, I’m not the one who has any right to say this,” Misaki began, “But everyone in the band wants to be friends, I’m pretty sure. Kokoro especially, don’t you get the feeling that she’s always wanted something like this, a really close group of friends to have fun with?” Misaki leaned forward, and when Kaoru’s eyes met her she couldn’t help her blushing. It had been a long time since someone had looked at her so seriously. “I’m guilty of the exact same thing, so there’s no reason for you to listen to me, but I kind of want to get closer to them, too.” With that, she leaned back, relaxing against the tree but keeping eye contact with Kaoru.

 Kaoru nodded slowly. “I want to, too. I just get so nervous when I imagine ‘breaking character,’ so to say,” she looked away, glancing at the snow covered trees around them. “And my persona just keeps going.”

 “This might be too personal, so feel free to tell me to shut up,” Misaki began, and Kaoru looked back at her. “I know you said it was fun at first, but why did you ever start doing it? Did you just really like Shakespeare, or…?” Misaki asked. Kaoru froze, her eyes widening imperceptibly. “And I won’t tell anyone, you can probably guess that I’m really good with secrets.” Misaki added.

 Kaoru’s eyes couldn’t focus as she watched the snow drift down from the sky. This was the first time she’d ever been so honest with someone, and she didn’t want to scare Misaki off, but at the same time, she didn’t want to close up and make Misaki think she didn’t really want to be friends. _Friends_ , Kaoru told herself firmly. _Nothing more._ She didn’t want to lose this chance to actually have a friend.

 “...There used to be a girl that I had a crush on,” Kaoru began slowly. “It’s embarrassing how much I liked her, honestly,” Kaoru ran her hand through her bangs, laughing nervously. “We used to be friends, but then she started doing a bunch of other really great stuff, and I thought if I could be a great actress,” Kaoru barely stopped herself before she said _like she was_ , which would make it way too easy for Misaki to guess who she was talking about. “...if I could be as special and cool as she was, she might not start ignoring me. But it didn’t work, and that’s really hitting me, which is why I want to just… stop,” Kaoru finished, blinking hard as she felt her eyes burning. 

Misaki was silent, and when Kaoru felt certain enough that she wasn’t going to cry to look up at her, she was staring at her intently, a thoughtful look on her face. Kaoru looked away, fiddling with the cuffs of her snow jacket as she waited for Misaki to respond.

“Chisato is an asshole, by the way.”

Kaoru’s froze. “Was it that obvious…?” She let go of her jacket as she brought her hands to her face, covering her mouth. The cold didn’t reach her at all as she felt herself burning in embarrassment. _Was she really that obvious?_

“Hey, don’t cry,” Misaki said as Kaoru covered her whole face with her hands, fighting to keep her shoulders from shaking. Misaki, with a lot of effort in her costume, sat up and shuffled on her knees over to Kaoru, sitting next to her. She shrugged the costume off of her arms despite the cold, as she was wearing just a long sleeved t-shirt underneath. Once they were free she wrapped them around Kaoru, who leaned her head away, clearly not used to being in this situation and uncomfortable showing her true feelings. “It’s okay, I’m not judging,” she comforted. “Honestly… I don’t know how to deal with this either. I’m not good at emotions and comforting people and stuff.” Her speech was tinted with a slight nervous laugh. All she could really think to do was hug her in this awkward position, as she was half sitting and half crouching. Her legs were cramping up.

Misaki let go of Kaoru and sat down next to her. “I mean, she really is seriously a jerk. I’ve seen the way she ignores you. That’s not right of her, even if she doesn’t reciprocate your feelings, she should at least acknowledge you. Not just leave you hanging in uncertainty,” Misaki didn’t look at Kaoru as she spoke. Kaoru remained silent, so Misaki decided to keep talking. She was really on a roll, now. She didn’t think she had talked to one of her band members this much since… ever, actually. And certainly not about something so emotional.

“Kaoru, you know that there are literally more people than I can name who are into you. Chisato doesn’t really seem interested in dating at all, but there are lots of people who are interested in you.”

“Not me,” Kaoru said, and Misaki felt more than saw as she dropped her arms to her sides. “They’re interested in the drama.”

Misaki stared into space. Kaoru had a point. The whole princely act was probably what earned her most of her popularity. Even so, Misaki wanted to just smack her across the face and yell at her that there were people who wanted to know her true self, who wanted to be with her and be there for her and know her insecurities and weaknesses. People who wanted to see her in the morning, with messy hair and pajamas, or when she was upset. Or when she was happy; little things like a funny comment on the band’s posts, and important things, too. Misaki wanted to know her, god damn it!

She laughed quietly. Sure, she had had a tiny, insignificant crush on Kaoru, but she had never really thought much of it, since Kaoru had seemed too hopelessly lost for Chisato, and Misaki didn't have the social skills or courage to even think about asking someone out. In this moment, sitting here under a tree in the middle of the forest with Kaoru, knowing that it might be hours before anyone finds them, her crush didn’t seem so insignificant.

“Kaoru… you’re so wrong,” Misaki said quietly. This upfrontness was unlike her. It seemed like she was a different person here, both of them. Maybe all of the sudden truths being dragged out for them both to see had caused it. Maybe it was because they had both already known everything that Kaoru had said, and maybe on a deeper level they both knew that each other knew too. Disguises that had never fooled either of them in the first place had come off, and they both knew that when they left today, and woke up again tomorrow, they were probably going to put them back on, whether for comfort or out of habit was to be decided. Right now, though, this moment was different. And despite how deceptively perceptive Kaoru was, there was something she couldn’t see.

“You are so amazing,” Misaki muttered. “Why don’t you get it?”

 “Misaki…” Kaoru whispered, turning to face her. Misaki remained motionless. She wasn’t going to cry, but she felt something that wanted to come out of her.

 “I guess if I’m going to expose all your secrets I shouldn’t hold on to mine either. Truth is…”

 “Misaki…”

 “I like you a lot, Kaoru,” Misaki muttered lowly, looking away from her. “Sorry for potentially ruining what was really a beautiful friendship for about three minutes. I just thought it’d be unfair to keep that to myself, I guess.”

 “Misaki…” Kaoru whispered again. “I like you, too.”

 The air was silent as they comprehended the situation and then wondered where to go from there. Misaki turned her head to look as Kaoru. She seemed almost afraid to look back, but she did, eventually, and when their eyes met Misaki was surprised to see her smiling very serenely. Happily. It was an expression that suited her, and one that made Misaki smile too. She basked in the calm, joyous feeling for a minute before she decided to get smart.

“You’re so cute, Kaoru,” Misaki teased, and she laughed as Kaoru’s face lit up bright red.

 “T-that’s-!”

 Misaki laughed. “Oh my god, I’ve never seen you blush before! That’s adorable,” she hugged Kaoru’s shoulders as Kaoru buried her face in her hands.

 “Stop it!” Kaoru yelled, and Misaki’s heart melted at how she could hear the smile in Kaoru’s protests.

 “Sorry, sorry, I don’t mean to go overboard. I won’t do it again… unless you want me to?” Misaki smirked. Teasing Kaoru was just too fun, and besides, if there was no one else around, was it really that bad?

 Kaoru parted her fingers to look at Misaki, and lowered her hands slowly. She was still blushing a little bit, but she managed to keep a straight face. “People don’t usually call me… cute…” she said, saying the last word more quietly. “I just wasn’t expecting it.”

 Misaki laughed internally. Really, Kaoru was too much.

 They talked about random things until eventually Kanon found them, along with a few other members of the ski resort team. They were escorted to the lodge and then home, the photo shoot postponed to another day. Everyone bombarded them with questions, especially as Kokoro and Hagumi realized that Misaki was actually Michelle. In the end, the other three were just grateful that Misaki and Kaoru hadn’t been too hurt.

 Later that night, as Kaoru was lying in bed, she debated sending a text to Misaki. She was bringing up the texting app when her phone buzzed. It was a text from Misaki.

  _goodnight kaoru. see you tomorrow_

 Kaoru couldn’t help but smile as she texted back.

  _Goodnight, Misaki. Sweet dreams._


End file.
